What our mums really need

Motherhood is an initiation. It’s one of the most sacred passages a woman can take. But many women aren’t adequately prepared or supported socially, emotionally or mentally during the transition into motherhood. Giving birth can feel terrifying. It’s highly clinical and full of unknowns. Then, after birth, the first three months are a blur, consumed with worry, sleep deprivation, pain and boundless love, too. This postpartum period, or the fourth trimester, is an important time in the lives of both mother and baby.

Julia Jones, founder of Newborn Mothers, and a postnatal doula who trains mothers and professionals in postpartum care says: “When a baby is born, so is a mother. And the birth of a mother can be more difficult than childbirth.”

Motherhood is an enormous responsibility and too often a mother’s needs are de-prioritised as she juggles the mental load of caring for her kin. One in five women experience postnatal depression and anxiety and suicide is the leading cause of maternal death in Australia. Nuclear families are not the norm. They generally haven’t been throughout human history.

“Everyone throws around the saying, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, but we’re still looking for individual solutions,” says Ms Jones. “Raising a baby is a social responsibility, we are letting mothers down.” Over the past 10 years, mothers have been saying “Help! I’m not doing both (work and primary parenting). You can’t load it on me to solve all the problems on my own.”

Challenges and barriers vary among women. But the core issues of loneliness and isolation, and the need to be supported, loved, respected and cared for, are universal. Women are often scared to say that they’re struggling, for fear of judgment — we have to stop mother-blaming and shaming.

If we want a thriving society, we need to remove barriers to participation and healthcare for mothers. We need work equality, paid parental leave, and better funding for birth, care and options — so women have a choice in when, and with whom, they birth. After-pregnancy support is essential, too — postpartum care is a human right, not a luxury.

Breastfeeding is natural but it doesn’t always come naturally. About two-thirds of mothers don’t meet their breastfeeding goals — we need publicly funded lactation consultants. Properly funding early childhood education — please don’t call it “child care”, as though parents are abdicating their innate responsibilities — is critical, too.

We know that kids learn and grow well in early schooling environments. They are essential infrastructure in our village, and support women’s social, emotional and economic wellbeing. Yet, the latest election campaign has been rather lacklustre when it comes to maternal health, motherhood and parenting. We need to change the system to suit mothers and babies, rather than changing mothers to suit the system.

To do so requires a shift in thinking away from hyper individualisation and towards a culture of shared responsibility and care — substantive equality. By doing so, we can affect change, reduce the mental burden and risk of maternal suicide and improve quality health outcomes for mothers, and their babies. How we care for mothers says a lot about a society. When we value and support women, we all benefit.

So, spare a thought for the sleep -deprived mumma, cradling her crying newborn, while watching her toddler meltdown in aisle three over a packet of spilled sultanas. She needs more than a pair of pink fluffy slippers and a hamper of cosmetics this Mother’s Day. What she really needs is reform — a seat at the table, her voice to be heard and policy change.

Lifeline: 13 11 14

This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 7 May 2022.