We need to break stigma of death
The only guarantee in life is that it ends. Yet, death is often taboo.
It’s not until we are confronted with the fragility of our own existence, or when a loved one dies, that we begin thinking and talking about death, generally. And when that time comes, it can be confronting, destabilising and extraordinarily distressing to make plans, and journey through those final months and days. But it doesn’t need to be.
I’ve walked a tightrope with death, myself. I faced my mortality early, well, earlier than most — it was 2017, I was 33, and life got real. I now have a beautiful big scar right down the centre of my chest to prove it. Open heart surgery gave me a second chance at life, and in doing so, helped me make peace with death. So much so that I went on to train as an end-of-life doula — a soul midwife.
What I have learnt during my time spent in and out of hospital, and sitting beside people in life and death, is that to live a beautiful life we need to de-stigmatise and accept death and dying. And we need to bring loved ones into the fold and plan for “a good death”.
More than 70 per cent of deaths in Australia are expected, yet only about half the adult population has a will in place. And around 70 per cent of us want to take our last breath and die at home. But death is highly clinical in Australia. And while our healthcare system is world-leading, it needs humanising, and to involve friends and family in caring for their loved ones during crises and at the end stages of life.
Despite most of our wishes, only 14 per cent of all deaths take place in a home setting. That’s largely due to a lack of knowledge, choices, communication and planning. A recent study found that over 90 per cent of adults in Australia think it’s important to talk about death and their end-of-life wishes, though only a third of us have.
Which begs the question, are we brave enough to have the conversations?
Sydney based not-for-profit, The Groundswell Project, thinks it’s about time we did. They are helping to transform the way we think, speak and plan for death. They are working to create compassionate communities across the country, to reshape both the cultural narrative and our end-of-life experience.
Dying to Know Day — a campaign of The Groundswell Project — is on Monday. This year’s theme is “get dead set”. It focuses on planning how you want to live and die well.
Planning is important. It helps relieve some of the fear, burden and angst associated with dying. And there are simple ways you can start. First, explore your options and write them down, like a will or medical directive. Things to think about include:
Do you want to die in the hospital or at home?
Who do you want with you?
What personal items do you want around you?
What mood, music, lighting and scents, for example, do you want in your room?
It all matters. Chat to your loved ones, too, so you all understand each other’s wishes. And, don’t forget to plan your end-of-life party. Dying to Know Day events are taking place across the State this weekend — check out the website or visit Palliative Care WA and South West Compassionate Communities Network for more information.
Death is not to be feared, but embraced with deep reverence and respect. Let’s talk about it, and plan for dying well, as part of a life well-lived.
This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 6 August 2022.