Need a hug? You can pay for one
Physical touch plays an important role in our lives, right from the time we’re born. And when we’re deprived of it, negative feelings of isolation, loneliness or even existential longing can arise.
Socially, touch affirms a sense of connection and belonging in the world. It also influences cognitive function, emotional regulation, communication and decision making. Pleasant social touch lights up the brain, specifically the orbitofrontal cortex, which is associated with reward-processing and emotions, and influences feelings of contentment and happiness, or depression.
But what constitutes pleasant touch is subjective, and not everyone craves it in the same way, and to the same degree. Though loving touch can provide a panacea for many social and emotional ails, and help improve physical and mental health, too.
It decreases the stress response in the body and produces happy hormones, including endorphins and oxytocin. But when you’re running low on physical connection or hugs in life, short of standing on the sidewalk with arms outstretched asking to hug passers-by, where can you go?
A new therapeutic intervention — cuddle therapy — is gaining ground. Cuddle therapists work in private, hospital, aged and palliative care, and mental health settings, and support people with their needs for platonic therapeutic touch.
Jo, from Cuddle Haven, is a trained “cuddlist” who provides professional cuddling services in Perth. She started the business out of her own need, after feeling “touch-deprived”, and couldn’t find a suitable professional to help.
Cuddle Haven is a mobile service and sessions generally take place in the comfort of a person’s home. A screening process is involved prior to on-boarding clients to ensure both parties feel safe and clients understand the limits of service — fully-clothed consensual touch.
“The screening is just as important as the actual session. I don’t do anything that I’m uncomfortable with or feel unsafe about,” says Jo.
Cuddling may take place on top of the bed, but never in it, and a blanket provides a barrier between the therapist and client. The foundation of the therapy is based on strong communication, clear boundaries, and consent. Clients can expect to be accepted as they are, and be guided throughout the session. But cuddle therapists are not counsellors or coaches.
“There’s nothing to fix and nothing to do but just be in the moment. Sometimes all people need is a shoulder to cry on. I feel very honoured to be in a space where people can authentically be themselves,” says Jo.
Cuddle therapy is appealing to a wide range of people. Before COVID, university students in their early 20s were seeking Cuddle Haven’s services. But recently, there’s been more of a shift to males, over 40. Sometimes people are feeling lonely and going through a rough patch, separation or divorce.
Clients also include people with disabilities or mental health issues, and may be experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress. Many are seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist for support, too.
While therapeutic touch has many benefits, what’s been surprising for Jo is how self-empowering professional cuddling can be.
“There are so many lessons in this outside of cuddling,” says Jo.
“Sometimes it’s difficult for people to speak up. But if they can practise in a safe container, they can get better at that, then they can take that into the world. It improves confidence.”
While holding hands or hugging may not solve all of life’s ills, we can all do with a touch of kindness. And professional therapeutic cuddling may go a long way to helping you feel happier, more connected and less alone.
This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 2 July 2022.