Is laughter the best medicine
We all have cringe-worthy moments. You know the ones. Maybe you’ve fallen face-first on the dance floor at your high school ball — it’s every teenager’s nightmare (yep, I did that)? Or you’ve been violently propelled off the back of a high-speed treadmill at the gym (been there, too)? Maybe you’re on stage giving a speech and are completely lost for words (um, ah . . . that time was awkward)? But the one that takes the gong is when your clothing is ripped clean off, in public, without warning — talk about humiliating.
My downfall: Outside Flinders Street station in Melbourne, middle of the road, peak hour . . . skirtless. My heel caught the back of my skirt . . . and bam. You get the picture. I was mortified. Shock set in and I froze. My face flushed with heat. Standing there, statue-like, all rational thoughts drained from my mind. It felt like a part of me died. Though by some miracle, uncontrollable laughter burst forth. My frozen body was resuscitated and I managed to retrieve my scrappy skirt from the ground (praise the Lord).
Does your life sometimes feel like a bloopers reel, too? These moments can either eke away at our confidence or they can call us to rise into our power, and stand up again. It’s not always easy but try to choose the latter. The fall can be painful, but there’s one key to recovery, it’s self-compassion. Be your own soft landing.
“Humiliation is the beginning of sanctification,” according to metaphysical poet John Donne. My skirtless skit, it would seem, was merely a gateway on the road to holiness (hallelujah). But here’s a fun fact for you . . . did you know that when your face blushes, your stomach does, too? Blood rushes to the stomach lining, in the same way, it does to your cheeks. Anxiety activates the sympathetic nervous system. Adrenaline is released and the capillaries in your blood vessels swell.
The 19th century evolutionary biologist and naturalist Charles Darwin studied emotions in animals and humans. He observed that monkeys, and particularly the males, flushed with redness when they were aroused. However, humans are the only species that are known to blush when they are embarrassed or shy.
People who experience anxiety and nervousness on a regular basis tend to blush more than others. Though embarrassment doesn’t need to derail you. What can happen when we’re unwittingly thrust into these socially shameful scenarios is that we turn inwards. We may unconsciously reject ourselves because we fear being rejected by others — it’s totally ironic. Though belonging is a fundamental part of being human. It’s a primal instinct that establishes a sense of safety. We need to belong to survive.
Hence, it’s natural that when we stand out against social norms — like the skirt-less lady at the busiest intersection in Melbourne did (me) — it can feel like you’re dying. When you’re consumed with self-consciousness it’s hard to recognise other people’s ability to connect with us and feel genuine empathy. We neglect to see that people care. And that they also likely see themselves in us, and their own bad fortune in ours. Underneath the facade, we’re all made of the same stuff, really.
Comedians make mockery and self-flagellation their mission, and some even get paid for it. Our own public humiliation is merely entertainment for the crowd. Consider your act of shame a comic’s job well done. Next time a public faux pas fills your mind with disgrace, think again. Stupidity may be sanctity in disguise. Fall forward and don’t look back: laugh, learn and let it go.
This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 20 November 2021.