How one question could save a life

Losing someone you love to suicide is a grief like no other — it’s something I wish I knew nothing of but sadly, like too many people, I do. More than 3000 Australians take their own lives each year an average of eight people a day. For every person who dies as a result of suicide, it’s estimated an additional 30 people make an attempt. That’s around 240 non-fatal suicide attempts every day.

Even more alarming, though, are the statistics concerning suicidal ideation. That is, the number of people who are in the depths of struggle and have thoughts of suicide looping through their mind. It’s far more common than you might realise. One in six of us — meaning you or someone you know — will think about ending their life at some point.

We all face challenges in life. It’s part of the human condition. Though some of us internalise the battle more profusely and the pressure cooker of pain can feel like it’s too much to bear at times.

Suicide is the leading cause of death for young people aged 15 to 24. And the rates for young Indigenous Australians are twice as high as non-Indigenous. But the highest rates of suicide, accounting for more than 50 per cent of the toll, occur in mid-life, between the ages of 30 and 59. Forget the sports car wisecracks, this is the underbelly of mid-life crisis we ought to be talking about.

R U Ok? Day is a national suicide awareness and prevention campaign that takes place on the second Thursday of September each year. This year’s campaign is set to be held on Thursday. It was founded by marketer Gavin Larkin in 2009 after losing his dad Barry to suicide over a decade earlier, in 1995. Mr Larkin, who tragically died from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2011, wanted to “spare other families from the grief his family endured”.

R U OK? Day encourages us to check in with the people in our lives and find out how they’re doing by asking a simple but powerful and potentially life-saving question: Are you OK?

If you think you’re inexperienced or don’t have the right skills to broach such a weighty conversation, think again. The RUOk? campaign advocates, “if you feel qualified enough to second guess the ref’s call from your seat in the nosebleeds… you can ask a mate, R U OK? — no qualifications needed”.

You needn’t be an expert. Nor do you need to worry about sticking your beak in where it’s not welcome — all the evidence points to people valuing connection.

We experience a greater level of psychological safety and protection from suicide when we are socially connected and know that people care about us. So when a person’s social safety net is frayed, or they’re feeling alone, disconnected or a burden on others, the risk of suicidality increases.

Speaking openly can help to lighten the load, a lot. If someone you know is acting out of the norm or appearing withdrawn, it might be a good idea to tool up for a chat. R U OK? recommends a straightforward four-step process: ask, listen, encourage action, and check in.

There’s a bevy of resources on their website ruok.org.au along with “how to ask” guides and links for further support. You need to be in a good space yourself to help so look after yourself, too, and don’t take on more than you’re able to. Remember, shame and stigma have no place when it comes to life’s struggles — we all have them. So let’s unpack this beast of a burden and end the silence on suicide once and for all.

Are you OK? Ask a mate today.

This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 3 September 2022.

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