Bringing out the best in mateship
It would be hard to imagine a living hell worse than the trenches of World War I, the reason why we celebrate Remembrance Day — to respect those who sacrificed a lot, and many of them their lives, to fight what were generally other people’s battles. Can you imagine?
The bombs and bullets, the noise and agony. And the thing that got those incredible, brave men through it all was that word “mateship”. It’s a word that, through the ages, has bound men, like glue that holds the brotherhood together. Mateship has been the catalyst for transformation and change, liberty and solidarity. It’s the umbrella under which men can reach out, survive and endure. And it’s the conduit through which the four most powerful words can be said that could literally save a man’s life — “Are you OK, mate?”
We all intrinsically know the value of having mates in our lives — people we can confide in, seek counsel from and celebrate wins with. The concept of mateship is so central to our identity that even Australia’s former prime minister John Howard, fought to enshrine the term in our country’s constitution, arguing it was all inclusive and not just for blokes. Though his bid failed.
Mateship can have a dark side, too. It can lead to the establishment of a predominantly white male, “boys’-club” agenda. At the extreme, it entices tribal-thinking, giving men the cover to do horrific and despicable things, or enforce a code of silence, hiding the worst of human actions.
Recently, the Australian Mateship Survey, which collected data from 576 people, found that more than 80 per cent of people regularly use the word “mate” when chatting to others. I certainly do — and especially in more masculine or male-dominated environments, which is what mateship has typically been associated with.
However, the bitter truth is that, despite the sense of mateyness that supposedly underpins Australian culture, far too many people — and significantly more blokes than women — feel they don’t have good, reliable friends to lean on. That’s a pretty sad reality.
Not having any mates is potentially dangerous, too, both physically and mentally. Research has found that one in three men experience loneliness. They feel as though they have few social connections and friendships that add meaning to their life, and help them to feel happier, more secure and supported.
Furthermore, around one in four men don’t feel like they have anyone outside of their immediate family who they can rely on when they need a hand or someone to chat to. Even more staggering, though, not having any mates is considered to be as harmful as 15 smokes a day, according to the International Men’s Day campaign, running today and hosted by the Australian Men’s Health Forum.
Being socially isolated isn’t healthy, it increases the risk of heart disease, poor mental health and suicide. Clearly, mates matter. So, it’s worth checking in with yours. And if you’re seeking new ones, perhaps look into joining a men’s group, such as the local men’s shed, the ManKind Project, or take part in one of the regular Mr Perfect barbecues around Perth.
As we celebrate mateship on this International Men’s Day, it’s worth focusing on all the positive things that bring out the best in men — and to support and encourage our dads, uncles, brothers, sons, nephews and friends to open up and speak up, for all of us.
Lifeline: 13 11 14 Mensline: 1300 78 99 78
This article was first published in The West Australian in Renée Gardiner’s weekly column in Agenda, 19 November 2022.